Here are some of the pivotal dates in October that have shaped who I am;
1. Oct 5th, 1999: this was the date that I found my mother, aged 53, newly retired from teaching, lifeless...slouched on her living room couch, remote control in hand. She had suffered a massive heart attack and died instantly. Funny thing is, I felt a sense of very strong "precognition"; ie. I HAD to visit her and see her after my busy day teaching High School Music and Drama. So, that "tiny voice inside" said to visit her and see what was up.....and then, I found myself doing CPR and AR on her. My brain knew she had passed...but my heart refused to believe a and so I kept trying. But it proved futile. That image, of her lying helpless has seared my soul and left a pretty earth shattering effect on my spirit.
2. Oct 15th, 2012: This was the date that my father passed away in his local hospital from the effects of pneumonia and likely from some un diagnosed form of Cancer. He was but a shell of the man I once knew, looked up to, revered. He was a survivor, after years of being on his own as a child, and as that stoic, contemplative man later in life, he finally succumb to the troubles of his own body and mind.
My father was a hoarder...and when I say hoarder, I don't mean that he "collected" things; I mean his house was a disaster, filth laden, chaotic, messy, full of dirt, animal waste, and so much more. It really was a reflection of the deep depression he fell into after my mother passed away. He was also suffering from some form of Dementia which meant he was really ornery and just plain mean to me during his last days....I regret that I couldn't say good bye to either of my parents when they died, they both died alone. Seeing his withered body in his casket was heart wrenching....
3. Oct 16th; this is my birthday....and it is bitter sweet. I used to LOVE having costume parties to celebrate life, my friends and just being plain creative and "artsy"; birthdays changes as we get older. This year though, I am tremendously lucky to have my life partner, my husband Cam by my side; and we will be moving into our new home on OCT 9th!! This will be a welcome new beginning, and provides a mobility friendly house for me....I will have all of the amenities I need on ONE FLOOR so that is what I am looking forward to. I may not know what the future brings, but I am blessed to have Cam and my brother John, sister n law Heather, nephew Jack, niece Susy, and my extended Weaver/Clapham family. I love them all so very much.
I am also changing my last name....yep, a very traditional perspective.....but....one I look forward to.....I am hoping I can do this in October too!!
Because then, I could find balance...and my Libran scales would be aligned ....and settled....something every Libran understands ....
